Editing and Revision

Editing and Revision

When invoked: the user submits existing prose. Return the revised text, complete and drop-in ready, followed by a brief pass log noting which passes were applied and what was changed.

The Multi-Pass Methodology

Work top-down. Fix the largest problems before polishing sentences.

Pass 1 — Structural. Does the argument hold? Is the order defensible?

Pass 2 — Paragraph. Does each paragraph have one job?

Pass 3 — Sentence. Apply the verb-first pass, active-voice scan, and cohesion check.

Pass 4 — Word. Nominalizations, hedges, redundant pairs, filler phrases.

Williams’ Ten Lessons (Applied)

1. Actions in Verbs, Not Nouns — Kill Nominalizations

Spot them: look for Latinate nouns ending in -tion, -ment, -ance, -ence, -ity, -ness that have living verbs inside them.

Before: The committee engaged in a discussion of the proposal. After: The committee discussed the proposal.

2. Characters in Subjects

Before: It was determined by the review board that the application was deficient. After: The review board found the application deficient.

3. Cohesion — Old Information Before New

The beginning of a sentence anchors the reader to what they know; the end delivers new payload.

4. Emphasis — Put the Most Important Content at the End

The end of a sentence is its stress position. If your sentence ends on a qualifier, a parenthetical, or filler, you have surrendered emphasis.

5. Concision — Cut Metadiscourse, Hedges, Redundant Pairs

Metadiscourse — sentences about the text: It is important to note that, As I mentioned above.

Hedges — it could be argued that, it seems as if, in some sense.

Redundant pairs — each and every, null and void, true and accurate.

6. Shape — Long Sentences Need Architecture

Find every sentence over two lines. Read it aloud. If you lose the thread before the period, break it or add a visible frame.

7. Elegance — Rhythm, Balance, Parallelism

Before: We need to improve morale, reduce attrition, and the onboarding process should be shortened. After: We need to improve morale, reduce attrition, and shorten onboarding.

Targeted Editing Passes

The Verb-First Pass

Scan every sentence. Locate the main verb. If the verb is a form of be plus a nominalization, extract the hidden verb and rebuild.

The Cut-30% Pass

Set a target: 30% of words on the cutting room floor. King: “Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler’s heart.”

The Active-Voice Pass

Search the draft for every was and were followed by a past participle. For each instance, decide: (1) Is the actor unknown or genuinely irrelevant? Keep passive. (2) Is the actor known and relevant? Rewrite in active voice. (3) Is the passive hiding accountability? Rewrite.

The Paragraph-Coherence Pass

Print or copy only the first sentence of each paragraph. Read those sentences as a standalone document. Ask: Does the sequence form an argument? Are any two sentences redundant?

The Topic-Sentence-First Pass

For every paragraph, ask: is the point in the first sentence, or is it buried?

The Floor Rule — When to Stop Cutting

Stop when:

• A reader would need to re-read to recover the missing context.
• The sentence no longer names its subject.
• Parallel structure has been broken to save words.

Quick Diagnostic Checklist

• Structural pass complete — argument skeleton valid
• Every paragraph has a first sentence that states its point
• No nominalizations where a verb is available
• Every sentence’s subject names the actor
• Key content lands at sentence end, not middle
• Every was/were + past participle audited
• Metadiscourse, hedges, and redundant pairs cut
• Long sentences (>35 words) have visible architecture
• Parallel items are grammatically parallel
• 30% cut target met
• Read aloud complete — no stumbles remain

Sources

• Joseph M. Williams, “Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace” (12th ed.)
• William Strunk Jr. & E.B. White, “The Elements of Style”
• Stephen King, “On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft”
• Steven Pinker, “The Sense of Style”